Nostalgic Games: Revisiting Kings Quest VI

Back in the day, say around ’93-ish, when I was first getting into video games, my dad came across a bunch of old computer games he had traded in for some crappy NES games we didn’t like at our local gaming store. Now I’d watch him play, but not having any experience or confidence with games on the computer myself, I stayed loyal to my - so easy to use even a fucking zombie monkey with half a rotting brain could do it - NES. I felt that the pc games where perhaps a bit too complicated and I didn’t want to do anything to my dad’s computer to mess it up, I was 8 and anything that remotely looked like school work, which the keyboard and controls did to me, was completely out of the question.

Anyways, the more I watched my dad play the more I saw how simple it really was, (Most of them were point and click for fuck sake!) and the greater my urge became to try them. The very first game I tried was Kings Quest VI, now back then this game was brand new, so when I saw the graphics I was completely blown away. To me it was way better than the games I had been playing on the NES, the story lines and character depth as well as the life like appeal was a tremendous improvement from fucking squat ass Mario and his red and brown ugly suit rescuing a princess from the castle with no real substance to the story itself. Although both worlds were highly imaginative, Kings Quest VI seemed to suck me in a great deal more than Mario. Unfortunately by the time I was finally ready to play the damn game, my dad had uninstalled it, not on purpose; he was just finished with it.

Dying to play, I completely overcame my fear of messing around with the computer, ignoring the trouble I’d probably get into later. I read the installation manual inside the front sleeve of the CD case and quickly followed the instructions so that I could finally play the game. This took FOREVER as most games back then did, but it was completely worth the wait. The pride I had felt for being able to do that by myself, without fucking anything up (I was a REALLY clumsy kid), was incredible. Funny thing is, now the most I can do with a computer is plug in a portable USB storage device and I realize how groundless my pride really was.

But I digress, the point of this article isn’t just to rehash my own cheesy ass embarrassing memories, as much as I looooooove looking like an idiot. The point of this article is to bring about a sense of nostalgia so that those who read it will want to revisit memories of old gaming adventures by playing those games again, as is the purpose of all of my articles to come. Although I love living in the now, and getting so excited about new technology that I practically cream my pants, I think it’s really sad when some of our old favorites disappear into the furthermost crevices in our minds. Then again maybe the purpose of this article is just so I can be obscene, curse as much as possible and try to entertain you in the process.

These games are not only really old games with crappy graphics your grandmother probably used to play. These games are like the ancestors of the industry. The creators of the games we have now, most of them were inspired by these old games to choose that career we so love them for. Not to mention, and I think some people will agree with me on this, some of the older games were more about sucking you into the adventure and game play than how great the graphics were, because even the creators knew that their graphics were shitty and they had to do something to compensate for that. So in honor of my very first article, I have chosen the very first computer game I have ever played. Before Myst, before Warcraft, for me, there was Kings Quest VI.

Sierra Entertainment, founded in 1979, was once a large producer of multiple lines of very creative graphic adventure games. Kings Quest VI: Heir Today Gone Tomorrow is of course the sixth installment of the KQ series adventure games released by the Sierra company. The game is commonly recognized as the best game in the series for its in-depth plot, landmark 3d introduction, and professional voice acting and is also the last to be released on those old tired ass floppy disks. A much better version, with more voice acting and artwork as well as its own theme song, was released later in 1993.

I had been talking to my husband some time about this game, because he had mentioned he had never played it before, and as I may or may not have mentioned before, this was one of my all time favorite games when I was a child. I must have played straight through it over 5 or 6 times, picking it up and dropping it over the years since then until with much displeasure I had a system that it would no longer run on.

So one day while I was wasting my time away on twitter, I began to hear an all too familiar game intro. My husband, who is quite possibly the most fucking awesome man in the world, found a program in which Kings Quest VI could run in Dos mode called Dos Box. I was ecstatic. After thanking him profusely I immediately stopped what I was doing so that I could play, practically bursting with happiness at getting to relive my old memories, and very curious as to whether the game would be as fun as how I had remembered it. In fact, it seems that I may have let my mind deteriorate a bit from playing to many reflex catering fps’, because much of the puzzles in the game were incredibly more difficult than I had remembered.

The Game starts out with the protagonist, Prince Alexander, being visited by a vision of his beloved princess Cassandra whom he had been enslaved with under the evil wizard Mordack in the last installment, Kings Quest V. Immediately after this Vision in a mirror (Not to be confused with vision in a can.), Prince Alexander sets off to Princess Cassandra’s homeland, Land of the Green Isles, a place full of myth and magic.

Before he can reach the Land of the Green Isles, Prince Alexander’s ship is torn asunder through a violent storm that leaves him stranded on a nearby island with nothing but the clothes on his back and a few pieces of wreckage dotting the beach. After exploring the wreckage to find his family ring and a single copper coin Prince Alexander makes his way inland to see if he can find out anything about his new surroundings. Once he is away from the beach, Alexander comes to a crossroads, the left path leading to a middle-eastern type market district (think Disney’s Aladdin) while the other extends towards a towering medieval castle on the right (more so King Arthur).

The games menu and settings are almost prehistorically simple, with vertical sliders to adjust the detail of graphics, the volume of sound, and the speed of the text and movement in the game. Other options within the menu include Save, restore, restart, about, quit, play.

Clicking on the about option will give you a list of information about both Past and present Kings Quest games as well as helpful tips and a beginners walk-through, which includes a warning for spoilers for the first few puzzles in the game. Another option in this menu is to listen to a sample of the games theme song “Girl in the tower” which was available to be played on radio stations by request up until January first 1993 and was available with the CD-Rom version of the game. This song is now available for you to listen below, you will laugh; it is that bad. Just don't turn it into the next fucking Rick Roll or I swear I will hang myself.

Clicking on the Save/Restore buttons will take you to the save/restore menus where you are able to, by much surprise, save/restore, but also delete games as well as change directory. I have no idea what the change directory option is for, like I said the most I know about computers themselves is how to plug in a fucking portable USB device. My husband is the computer genious, not me… k.

Back to the game: Once Arriving at the castle Alexander introduces himself to the dog faced soldiers standing guard, after a few very rude lines of dialogue from the guard dogs about where he was, who he was and what he was doing there, Alexander discovers that he has landed upon the Isle of the Crown, the governing center of the Land of Green Isles and Cassandra’s very own castle abode.  After showing the guards his family insignia, one of them tells Alexander to wait while he steps inside the castle to find their captain. When he emerges, Alexander comes face to face with a very stern and loyal Captain Saladin; Saladin explains that he will grant Alexander an audience with the Vizier Abdul Alhazred, but he does not know very much about Alexander’s homeland or its people, hinting at his distrust for Alexander.

Once inside, Alexander is informed that after Cassandra came home from her previous captivity she had learned that her parents had died. Alhazred continues to tell him, in quite a dickish way, that while she may have invited Alexander to visit her at anytime, in the past, new and very different circumstances were in motion and he is no longer welcome to see Cassandra. Alexander also learns that Alhazred, who can apparently shit gold and diamonds, has announced that, as per Cassandra’s parents dying wish, he will be marrying the princess, and Alexander isn’t even invited to the wedding despite being Cassandra’s BFF. SHOCK! What a bitch!

Alhazred tries to send Alexander on his way back across the ocean without offering to give him a ride, even though he knows Alexander’s ship is wrecked. Seriously if there was an award for being the biggest fucking prick on the face of the earth, this guy would so totally place, if not win in a landslide victory. Not having any way to make it back home, of course Alexander tells him that he might just have a look around the kingdom. Alhazred tells Alexander he doesn’t think it’s a good idea, because of the state the kingdom is in, but it’s his neck. His concern for Alexander’s well being is almost overwhelming, really.

Alexander leaves the fucking Grinch in his castle, which he won’t be going back to any time soon due to the guard dog’s loyalty to Alhazred’s order not to let him in, and makes his way to the market where he meets the locals. The first person Alexander sees is an old grungy looking hobo man screaming out that he wants to trade old lamps for new, which he thinks is absolutely absurd, but later discovers the point for trading the lamps is so the old man can find a genie, oh, and that there’s a good market for antiques. He’s ripping people off either way! You will later come to the conclusion that not only is he a bastard of a salesman, but he’s fucking annoying as well, screaming old lamps for new every five seconds until you just want to take his stick full of lamps and shove it down his throat screaming “THIS IS SPARTA!”. That man is the original spammer.

Fed up with the pushy old fart Alexander makes his way into the first building, which is an old pawn shop. The owner does not expect too much from any of his customers, because apparently the only ship that sails to and from the islands has been dry docked, causing a great deal of trouble for his business. Oh, goody!

The shop is pretty interesting, selling things like “Owl Courage Potion” for spineless owls, a bottle of gnome-be-gone and a small box full of “Enchanted Sorcerer’s flea and tick collars”. Not to mention how completely fucking awesome the owner is for giving away free mints and selling some really useful shit, for only one copper. The things he sells are as follows: A tinder box, a mechanical nightingale, a paintbrush, and a flute. Seriously where in real life could you buy a flute in good condition for pocket change? The shop owner, which is already exploding with generosity, then tells you that you can exchange anything you buy in the shop for another one of those items, no hassle. I only wish service was that good in real life.

The next and last shop in the Market turns out to be a book store and as if the generosity of the pawn shop owner wasn’t enough the owner of the book shop, Ali, practically begs Alexander to take a book off his hands the moment he walks in. After having a look around Alexander finds a book of love poems, this is where it gets kind of mushy, but it’s handy for later on in the game. While closing the book and putting it back on the shelves one of the poems, the one which Alexander liked the best, but also the most cheesy, vomit inducing thing you’ll ever read, falls to the floor. As He reaches down to pick it up Ali tells Alexander to keep it, as he is fed up with trying to glue it back into the book over and over again, and no doubt ill over how incredibly sappy it is.

During Alexander’s conversation with Ali, he gives him a lot of interesting information about the 3 known islands as well as some local folklore that states that there is a 4th hidden island and that the Land of the Green Isle’s connection to the underworld. Alexander has officially landed in the doorway to hell, the price of real estate there alone must be enough to put even Donald Trump out on his ass. Ali also tells Alexander that if he can find some kind of rare book, he will give him a magic book once owned by a great wizard, who consequently turned himself into an aardvark.

The only bad thing about the bookstore in retrospect is the other customer, a nosey old man in a long black cloak who keeps staring at you with flashy eyes. He’s not very friendly, ignores you when you speak to him and makes your flesh crawl when you think of touching him. Not a man you would want to meet in a dark ally.

Continuing out of the market through the left arc-way Alexander comes across a large Spanish style house with hanging vines and a garden full of red roses. A blonde woman in an orange dress walks out from the house and down the steps to gaze upon the roses as if they were grown by the flying spaghetti monster. As he continues down the path another fat old grey haired woman steps into the doorway and begins yelling at the girl as if she had just blown up an orphanage. She tells her to get her ass in the house to do chores and the girl replies “yes step-mother” and follows the old cunt inside. I wonder where they got that idea from?

Finally Alexander arrives at the docks. He is greeted by a strange boy with sparkling eyes swimming in the ocean (must be related to the douche in the bookstore, right?), he invites him to jump in to have a swim. Now if you think sure, I’ll have a swim, what could possibly happen; you are a boob. Seriously what the fuck are you going to do in the water? Play Marco Pollo? But that’s ok; Alexander does it anyways, just to see what will happen, why? Because it’s a game and he’s fucking immortal!

He dives into the water and is then quickly swept out to sea where he drowns. Good job, you’ve just killed the hero, wasn’t that fun :). Now let’s see where we went wrong: If we had taken the time to actually investigate the water itself, we would have discovered that there is a fucking undertow. Didn’t even cross your mind, did it? Honestly, I’m only saying this because I actually fell for that shit first time I played the game. So, let’s start over.

Alexander ignores the boy, who gets pretty pissed and literally poofs off. He knocks on the door to a large wooden ship that looks as if it’s been infested with termites. Greeted by the captain, Alexander follows him inside, where the captain tells him about a magic map the pawn shop owner is selling that can take him to and from each of the islands by means of a simple thought. He also lets Alexander in on some juicy royal gossip about the princess and the queen’s last visit to one of the other islands. After getting a few more tips about the other islands the captain gives Alexander a rabbit’s foot, for good luck, even though neither he nor the rabbit ever found any of it themselves.

Back at the pawn shop Alexander sees that same old nosey ass bastard customer from the book shop. Wanting to tell him about how his family needs to learn manners, Alexander tries to talk to him, but no good. He still just ignores him. So Alexander asks the pawn shop owner about the magic map, the owner tells him that normally he would like something magic in return but seeing as how bad business is he wouldn’t mind just trading it for something of equal value. Alexander offers his family insignia to the pawn shop owner in exchange for the map and the old man, who as per usual had just been flashy eye-eyeing Alexander, hobbles over to the counter and grabs a mint from the free mint jar before hobbling back out again.

Before you can do anything else, you are interrupted by a cut scene, where Alhazred is sitting with his back facing you. You learn that the old flashy eyed man in the cloak is actually Alhazred’s genie, who has been spying on you this entire time and will continue to do so throughout the game. The very inebriated genie briefs Alhazred about Alexander’s map purchase before quickly passing out. Alhazrade berates him for eating mints, which apparently is like moonshine for genies, and tells him to take care of Alexander, which he attempts many times throughout the rest of the game.

Back in the pawn shop the owner tells Alexander that in order to use the map he has to be within view of the ocean and in the open, basically on a beach. Alexander takes the map back to the beach he was marooned on and begins his wild adventure through islands that even Disney would be saying WTF!

The only real drawbacks about Kings Quest VI that I found were that some of the puzzles required you to use the game manual that came with it, and in some instances you would find yourself walking up a wall and off the screen. Although the game manual itself can be thought of as a plus, taking you on a completely seperate adventure with a different protagonist. The story is well written, and just as creative with some quirky illustrations to give you a little more information about the Land of the Green Isles, as well as to instruct you of the Ancients and their very own language represented by hieroglyphic-type letters, each standing for a number of different things.

So yeah, without getting into the habit of writing a complete spoiler, with details of the entire story, this game is pretty interesting, the first half is ok, kind of blah, but once the story takes off its pretty fun and even though they take a lot of their inspiration from old Grimm brother’s type fairytales and mythology, it’s actually pretty creative. There are a lot of brain-hexing puzzles including a climbing wall and catacombs that will give Alexander more than a few “bad feelings” and a few different ways to use each of the items you pick up. There is also two alternate endings, one of which involves some cross dressing and a lot of really funny smart ass dialogues from some of the characters you meet and some of the items you use. All in all the game is worth taking the time to revisit old memories.

Enjoy the screen shots.

NovaObscure

Game Play:

Oh, Alexander...